About ego.

Don’t be afraid the daybreak has come.

I am 22 years old, but right now I feel I am not a 22 person. Why do I say that?

In this year summer holiday, I thought making game is my altimate goal, which something worth for chasing my whole life. But I get depression so many times, and I feel so bad at the time. I feel aimless, empty. Everything seem gray to me. I want to get rid of the state, but I can’t. It just like a monster grabbed my legs and you are struggling. Perhaps I am “sick”, or just need someone to talk about.

Once time, I saw a picture at some website or mobile phone app. The picture is somthing like this, a person standing at a stack of book, which is very high. At the bottom of the books, there is ruins, fires, smokes and broken walls, but as the height rising, the scene is becoming clear, the blue sky, the singing birds, white clouds. Everything is so beauitiful at the top. I don’t know whether you have saw it. And I believe I am in the bottom of the stacks of books, but rising.

At the beginning of the article, I feel so bad, but it seem much great now than the start. Maybe that’s the magic of writing. At now, one magic word is echoing in my brain which is “I am a game designer!”. That’s the word I read from a game design book name The Art of Game Design. It shows two types of gift(talented) one is the minor one, and the other is major one. The author thinks the former is the one with birth but not powerful as the latter which need study. I totally agree that. Why is that? The reason is the major one need you to be motivated by your goal, so you will continuous learn.

One human is too small that ordinary people almost leave nothing when they died. And when the last person remembered you forget you, you are truly died. That’s the reason why Einstein is never died, because the knowledge that he created is used in the whole human society. I figured that in the summer holiday this year.

So, I wanna to leave something, but not so hurry. Maybe I am still leaving nothing when the day I died came, but I accept the end. There isn’t something that is destined to do if I even haven’t the ability to settle myself. After all, to live is tired enough.

I am still like games and creat games, if I can choose one thing that I am willing to do when I am destitute, that’s the one I will choose.

Life is a journey and I the trip is just start up. Remember happy is the most important.

Happy birthdy, CalculusCat, Maxwell or Max.